


Thoughts of Disappearing

by izawrites, reigningqueenofwords



Series: Petty Insults [58]
Category: Avengers, Marvel
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-29
Updated: 2019-06-29
Packaged: 2020-05-30 17:16:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19407784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/izawrites/pseuds/izawrites, https://archiveofourown.org/users/reigningqueenofwords/pseuds/reigningqueenofwords





	Thoughts of Disappearing

Steve wandered out into the city, letting out a sigh. He had a son with you, and now he’d be forced to watch you raise a family with Thor, and Tony, while he simply got to co-parent with you. A sad smile formed on his face as he hailed a cab to Debbie’s. Now he was to be a father of two, and neither relationship could be considered stable.

As he was in the backseat of the cab, he smiled at the couple of photos he had Bucky take. He already loved Benjamin with all his heart, but sadly wished things had turned out different between the both of you. He wished that he hadn’t been so stupid, and he would have been by your side when you had his son.

The second he stepped into Debbie’s apartment that he’s been staying at, he knew he would have his hands filled soon. “Where were you? You vanished without a word.” Debbie asked him right away.

“I had an emergency at the Tower…” He wasn’t sure if to tell her right away. “Um. It was Y/N.”

Debbie nodded, unsure how to feel. “is everything okay?”

He shook his head. “You’re not going to be happy. But…she had another baby.” Steve swallowed thickly. “And he’s mine.”

Her mouth opened and closed a few times. “You just had a baby with her, and now you’re having one with me?!”

He nodded. “I’m sorry, I didn’t even know she was expecting. And she thought it wasn’t mine.” He went to sit by her.

She leaned her head on his shoulder. “What does this mean for us? For our baby?” Her voice was quiet.

Steve played with her hand. “It just means I have to co-parent with her. It’ll be okay.”

No one said anything for a few minutes. “What’s his name?”

“Benjamin James.” He smiled proudly.

* * *

As days went by, he did his best to spend time with his son, and Debbie. When Debbie went into labor, Benjamin was just three weeks old. He knew Heimdall’s birthday was approaching and got worried that he’d miss it.

However, his world was pulled out from under him when he set eyes on Debbie’s newborn. He held him close and eyed him carefully. The newborn had dark eyes and hair, things neither Debbie nor Steve had. He looked at her, worried. “You’re a natural redhead right?” 

Slowly, she nodded. “Yes… I’m sorry, Steve.”

“Why…why are you apologizing?” His heart clenched, gently holding the newborn tighter.

“I was hoping he was yours. I-i had a one night stand…” She sat up a little.

“Why’ll we were together?” His voice rose.

He cheeks heated up as her tears wet them. “I’m sorry.” She breathed.

Steve didn’t know what to think for a minute. Then he rose and handed the newborn to her. “I can’t even get upset at the fact that you cheated. But I missed a ton of time with my actual son.”

“Steve?” she questioned.

“I didn’t know about him until he was a week old. Then the past two weeks I’ve been worried about not being there for this baby’s birth. Been spending less and less time there because I’m with you. And I had no warning that I might be getting attached to a baby that obviously isn’t mine.”

She looked ashamed, looking down at her son. “I’m really sorry, Steve. It was a small chance he wasn’t yours.”

Running his hand through his hair, he walked out, hurt, angry, and confused. He checked his phone for the first time in a few days and realized with a heavy heart that Heimdall’s Birthday was yesterday. He had missed not only his birthday, but the chance to prove to you that he would be there for his son.

He looked up at the sky and realized the only place he could go was the tower, but he had to get his stuff from Debbie’s first. How would you react to seeing him? He’d seen less and less of you, and he hadn’t contacted you.

Steve decided to gather his things, and spend a few nights in a motel collecting his thoughts. His life had officially turned upside down, and the only thing he had going for him was that he at least could still be Captain America.

He checked into a motel not that far from the tower and texted Bucky.

_I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve ruined my life, I’ve screwed up y/n’s, and the team hates me._

Bucky saw it instantly and wiped down his face, feeling for his friend.

_You’re not making it easier pal. You better have a damn good excuse to missing Heimdall’s Birthday and missing time with Benjamin._

Steve groaned and replied.

_Nothing is good enough, but if it wasn’t for those two, I’d disappear._

Bucky sighed and thought for a minute.

_Why don’t you move back in the tower to ensure you’ll always be here for Benjamin?_

That’s all he wanted, but he wasn’t ready to see the hurt on your face when you asked why he wasn’t there when he said he would be.

 _Soon_.

Bucky read it and nodded to himself, putting his phone back in his pocket. He just wanted the best for his friend, but he didn’t think he could come back from his mistakes. He chose not to tell you about the texts, not wanting to make you worry more than you already were. It was up to Steve to explain what happened. He didn’t even know what happened.

Steve curled in a ball back at the hotel, begging his mind to shut down. Every worse case scenario went through his mind.

In the end, he wound up drinking, a sad attempt to drown everything out. It took much more than he wanted to even begin to feel it thanks to the serum.

* * *

Four days later, he was staring at the front of the tower. Looking as bad as he felt.


End file.
